What a difference a beta makes, #2
Jul. 19th, 2008 10:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amedia(cross-posted to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ohzeebooks)
I will confess that I don't usually have my drabbles beta'd, but I do try to have longer pieces beta read, and I have a really awesome beta-reader. I posted a similar account once before for a story called Heart and Soul (Cain/Glitch, not to be confused with the DG/Glitch story of the same name!), and wanted to do it again for a more recent story.
I thought it might be interesting/helpful/discussion-making to give an example of the beta-ing process, at least as it took place for this particular story.
This story was in very raw form when I asked TODS to look it over. I had been aiming at a pentadrabble and when I hit 2000 words I realized I was never going to squish it back down into 500 words! Still, it was very much of a quick-and-dirty draft, so a lot of the final product is the result of a mutual development from my draft and his input. Make that three drafts, although the changes to the last were very slight.
He didn't make a lot of grammar-based comments this time around because, as he said, the draft was pretty clean, but he does check the grammar and punctuation very carefully. Most of his input this time was plot or character related.
In the original version -
I mentioned Wilson paying for dinner at the beginning and end, but there was no particular connection between dinner with Wilson and the rest of the plot. TODS suggested making it a quasi-bet, so that it would tie into the main story.
TODS suggested reversing the emphasis on Glitch's oddities. Originally Cameron said that she had seen a man with a zipper in his head and that wasn't all - he also had half a brain! TODS pointed out that while rare, hemispherectomies do happen in our reality, people with zippers in their heads don't, so that would be the more unusual element to throw emphasis on. So I flipped it.
There was one sentence in particular that I especially appreciated TODS' help on. Originally, near the beginning of the second scene:
I had the "man from Oz" reference, but nothing to indicate the Chase was Australian. I asked TODS for a suggestion to work Chase's Australian origins into the narrative so people unfamiliar with the details of House wouldn't be left wondering about the Oz reference. (I really, really didn't want to put in "... said the blond Australian doctor" - it's not my style.) I already had the dog-themed banter with Cameron, so he suggested adding the "Australian sheepdog" phrase.
House and Foreman argued about whose patient Glitch was, but not about prognosis. TODS pointed out that since Foreman is working as part of House's team, and House doesn't usually examine patients anyway, House wouldn't have any problem handing Glitch over to Foreman, but they would almost certainly quarrel about the recommendation for surgery.
It was TODS' idea to have Cain defend Glitch by getting all up in House's face. Gotta love a straight man who brings the slashy.
Raw originally healed House's leg in the first scene where they met, but then I didn't have House following up with any tests or anything. TODS pointed out that House would have freaked out when Raw healed his leg and would have been very curious and suspicious and would have wanted to run tests on Raw to figure out how he did that. So I moved that scene to the time after House finds out that Raw apparently healed the other patients, as a way for Raw to prove his bona fides, and I made House more suspicious and curious about the whole healing thing.
So that was the process. Questions/comments welcome!
ohzeebooks)I will confess that I don't usually have my drabbles beta'd, but I do try to have longer pieces beta read, and I have a really awesome beta-reader. I posted a similar account once before for a story called Heart and Soul (Cain/Glitch, not to be confused with the DG/Glitch story of the same name!), and wanted to do it again for a more recent story.
I thought it might be interesting/helpful/discussion-making to give an example of the beta-ing process, at least as it took place for this particular story.
This story was in very raw form when I asked TODS to look it over. I had been aiming at a pentadrabble and when I hit 2000 words I realized I was never going to squish it back down into 500 words! Still, it was very much of a quick-and-dirty draft, so a lot of the final product is the result of a mutual development from my draft and his input. Make that three drafts, although the changes to the last were very slight.
He didn't make a lot of grammar-based comments this time around because, as he said, the draft was pretty clean, but he does check the grammar and punctuation very carefully. Most of his input this time was plot or character related.
In the original version -
I mentioned Wilson paying for dinner at the beginning and end, but there was no particular connection between dinner with Wilson and the rest of the plot. TODS suggested making it a quasi-bet, so that it would tie into the main story.
"But Glitch IS everything Cameron promised!" I protested, although I liked the idea.
"So have House cheat! He would, you know," said TODS.
"That's pure evil," said I. "I'm using it!"
TODS suggested reversing the emphasis on Glitch's oddities. Originally Cameron said that she had seen a man with a zipper in his head and that wasn't all - he also had half a brain! TODS pointed out that while rare, hemispherectomies do happen in our reality, people with zippers in their heads don't, so that would be the more unusual element to throw emphasis on. So I flipped it.
There was one sentence in particular that I especially appreciated TODS' help on. Originally, near the beginning of the second scene:
- "I thought a man with half-a-brain would pique your interest," Wilson said
TODS pointed out that as a reader, he took this completely differently than the way I meant it: "I thought it would... but it didn't!" It took me a minute to realize what he meant, since *I* knew what it was supposed to say, but then I realized most readers would probably take it the way he did.
In combination with the earlier comment on emphasis, I wound up changing this line to remove the ambiguity:
"I knew a man with a zipper in his head would pique your interest," said Wilson triumphantly
I had the "man from Oz" reference, but nothing to indicate the Chase was Australian. I asked TODS for a suggestion to work Chase's Australian origins into the narrative so people unfamiliar with the details of House wouldn't be left wondering about the Oz reference. (I really, really didn't want to put in "... said the blond Australian doctor" - it's not my style.) I already had the dog-themed banter with Cameron, so he suggested adding the "Australian sheepdog" phrase.
House and Foreman argued about whose patient Glitch was, but not about prognosis. TODS pointed out that since Foreman is working as part of House's team, and House doesn't usually examine patients anyway, House wouldn't have any problem handing Glitch over to Foreman, but they would almost certainly quarrel about the recommendation for surgery.
It was TODS' idea to have Cain defend Glitch by getting all up in House's face. Gotta love a straight man who brings the slashy.
Raw originally healed House's leg in the first scene where they met, but then I didn't have House following up with any tests or anything. TODS pointed out that House would have freaked out when Raw healed his leg and would have been very curious and suspicious and would have wanted to run tests on Raw to figure out how he did that. So I moved that scene to the time after House finds out that Raw apparently healed the other patients, as a way for Raw to prove his bona fides, and I made House more suspicious and curious about the whole healing thing.
So that was the process. Questions/comments welcome!
