What a difference a beta makes, #4

[amedia]

Cross-posted to ohzeebooks
So, here's where I usually post about how a story changed during the beta/revision process from first draft to final version. The latest one - Behind a Smiling Face didn't undergo a lot of major rewrites or plot changes or nipple additions - but TODS put forward some thinky thoughts in going over the drafts with me and I wanted to share them with y'all.

The first scene of the story is a flashback in which Azkadellia and Ambrose discuss his plans for the Sun Seeder. I mostly wanted the flashback to establish three things: the mentor/protege relationship between Ambrose and Azkadellia; Ambrose's perspective on Azkadellia ("his favorite little princess"--to set up the later revelation that she had a crush on him and he was utterly clueless); and most especially, Ambrose's potential to become a moral monster if he continued on the path he was on. So in the first draft, when Azkadellia brought up ethical problems with the Sun Seeder, he thought to himself "I should be proud of her for bringing up an issue I hadn't thought of" and tells her "I can't say that I had thought about the human cost." TODS thought it would be an even stronger indication of Ambrose's tendency toward hubris if Ambrose had considered these issues and deliberately rejected them. Hence, in the final version, he thinks, "I should be proud of her for having the courage to question my plan" and he says, "I decided that those factors didn't warrant much consideration."

TODS also helped me clarify the bit about life on other planets; I had originally been trying to fudge a heliocentric/geocentric perspective, but that just didn't make sense, so I went with heliocentric (as opposed to a previous short piece in which I assumed that O.Z.ian astronomy was geocentric).

But the other really thinky part that he helped me with was in Azkadellia's conversation with Raynz. Originally, when she was instructing him with what she wanted done in Ambrose's headcasing, she said, "I want him to know that he has lost the one thing most valuable to him, the only thing he ever cared about. His precious mind."

Of course, I had her saying that just after she asked Raynz to take out Ambrose's memory and leave the rest of his mind intact ... But TODS didn't put it like that. Instead, he talked about the philosophical view that we make ourselves who we are, and how Ambrose would have been especially proud of the skills and knowledge and experience that he had amassed, proud of how he had made himself a great inventor/advisor/etc. Not so much proud of his potential but of how he had actualized it. I really treasured the insights that TODS offered.

Hence, here's what Azkadellia said in the final version: "I want him to realize what he's lost. I want him to know that he has lost everything that he worked so hard to acquire all his life: his knowledge, his skills, his experience. The only thing he ever really cared about. Himself."

And there you have it!

On a side note - this has nothing to do with the beta process, but as long as I'm on the subject of this story - I had a favorite line. There was sugar, there was cream, and there was the very best tea. Ambrose didn't actually take sugar or cream, and neither did Azkadellia, but they were part of the ceremony and could not be omitted.

Comments

[naturalbluicons.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for writing me this fic. I like the changes, and I love the fic. *loves you forever*

[amedia.livejournal.com]

*smishes you* I read this aloud to TODS and it made him so happy! And me, too.

[lionille.livejournal.com]

That was an awesome fic!
And betas are awesome when they give you insights like that... those 'aha' moments when your own characters surprise you, when you didn't think they COULD surprise you because IT'S YOUR HEAD so surely you know EVERYTHING that's going on, only OMG you don't. Yeah, those moments.

(and how great you get a guy's perspective, too, since I do believe men and women have very different ways of looking at things.)

And Ambrose would totally be in love with the tea ceremony, I think it would throw his whole day out of whack if it was two minutes late. Glitch, of course, is very appreciative of the food.

[amedia.livejournal.com]

And betas are awesome when they give you insights like that... those 'aha' moments when your own characters surprise you, when you didn't think they COULD surprise you because IT'S YOUR HEAD so surely you know EVERYTHING that's going on, only OMG you don't. Yeah, those moments.

Yes! Yes, oh yes, that's just what I mean. :-D

(and how great you get a guy's perspective, too, since I do believe men and women have very different ways of looking at things.)

Very true! A guy's perspective can be especially helpful with slash stories. *whistles and looks innocent*

[mellifluous-ink.livejournal.com]

There is nothing I like more than a thorough beta. A beta can make you or cause you to leave fandom. I have had many of the latter, but only one of the good kind.

As a side note, I love your icon. And I really miss this fandom.

[amedia.livejournal.com]

I've seen so-called betaing used as a way to bully someone, and I've seen good stories become excellent through a really beautifully-done beta, so yeah, definitely, what you said!

As a side note, I love your icon.

Thank you!!!! kseda posts wonderful photos from Alan Cumming in other roles, and when she posted this one (it's a Jane Austen flick, I forget which one) she mentioned that, what with the age and the costume, he looked like a young Ambrose, so I asked her permission to use the screencap and made the icon, because that really tickled my fancy.

And I really miss this fandom.

??? Please to explain?

[mellifluous-ink.livejournal.com]

Well, I haven't written anything for this fandom, or read anything, in a very long time.